This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
