one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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