Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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