He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
