are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize