I'm gonna have a badass scar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
