you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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