just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
