u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
