Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
