Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
