When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize