I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
