Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
