Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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