I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
