You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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