we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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