We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You took a bar mat shot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
