She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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