Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They took my balls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
