Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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