don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
