well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize