I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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