Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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