You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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