My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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