Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
