Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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