she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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