I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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