all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize