I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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