You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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