yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
cat food counts as protein by the way
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
