dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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