Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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