This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize