We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
