Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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