They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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