Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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