Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize