Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
