Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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