Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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