You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
