shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
