You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
