ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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