There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
