no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
