Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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