i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
