you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
