I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
