Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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