none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
