hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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