It's Friday. Sex?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
