saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
