so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
