Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
