after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
