Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize