i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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