Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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